Resolved, I Will Try…

“To know others is wisdom. To know yourself is enlightenment.” ~ A quote gracing the month of January on a calendar that mysteriously appeared in my mailbox at the office a couple of weeks ago. Truth in those words I suspect. I have been on an inward journey of late, pondering the stuff of life, thought, direction, hope, struggle, dreams, church, culture, and the world. I am not sure all I may or may not have gleaned over these past weeks of journey but I know I have been more intentional about the moments I have inhabited.

Last evening and today traditionally hold for some of us the thoughts of being resolved about the New Year, to begin something new, to give up something old, be healthier, happier, lighter, and a whole array of “This year I resolve to …”, you fill in the blank.

Several weeks ago I “resolved” more or less to step away from my addiction to the social media of Facebook. I still posted some church related things as well as those apps I have on my phone that automatically post for me. I did pretty well, though I confess I found myself taking a peek now and then at my friend’s posts and new stories that caught my eye. As I look back on my intent I might choose to look at my intended commitment as a failure, I certainly did not stay as faithful to my cause as I thought I would. But I choose to see my intended resolve not as a failure, but as a learning process, an awareness of how much I allowed the stories and comments I read in that venue to affect, distort, even darken my view of the world, my community, and even myself.

TruDee and I went to the movie “Wild” last evening. It is a difficult movie to watch in some places, to hear, see, and in some respect experience all the main character encounters in the telling of her story. It is certainly a ponderous movie and has been rattling around in my head ever since we left the theater last night.

Though it does not do justice to the whole of the movie, in my mind at this moment I have distilled it down to this. I am the sum of all I have experienced and encountered throughout my life. All of the good decisions, poor decisions, traumas, joys, broken hearts, and love fulfilled, laughter, tears, devastation’s, and dreams realized. Even with all the good and bad I realize there were no failures, simply learning experiences of what to do and be, what not to do and be, and how to find a way to embrace the best self one can embrace. The whole of this fifty-five year journey has brought me to this moment.

So, as I continue on this journey of life and faith in this season of resolutions, herein am I resolved:
• I resolve to never fail, but to learn and grow.
• I resolve to make mistakes.
• I resolve to make decisions.
• I resolve to try not to attend every argument or discussion to which I am invited.
• I resolve to try to listen more and speak less.
• I resolve to try never let injustice go unaddressed when it presents itself.
• I resolve to try and be more present in the moment, space, and place I am.
• I resolve to try and see the beauty and love that is present in EVERY place.
• I resolve to try and love more deeply and passionately the love of my life.
• I resolve to try and stay better connected to those of my family.
• I resolve to be absolutely smitten with my granddaughter.
• I resolve to try and take better care of myself.
• I resolve to try and BE.
• I resolve to try new things.
• I resolve to try…

Actually as I get on my “resolve” roll I realize the list is unending and the list before me is really simply about living. Trying, is living…whether I succeed or come up short of my expectations…all is a learning experience, life is a learning experience… a learning how to live, really live. So, perhaps after this long and rambling ponderous writing… I resolve to be more present, more awake, more alive…here, now. And the journey continues… immersed in the Love who holds us all… in the Wisdom who knows others and in that journey of Enlightenment that I might know myself more deeply and fully. I will try… always… try.

Just some rambling thoughts on this first day of a New Year.
Pondering continues…

May Your Journey be Filled with Peace, Illumined in Light, and Immersed in Love.

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